Finding grace
by starclouds
Summary: You really don't know how to act around your ex-non boyfriend and his wife, especially when you're the one taking care of their kid.


**A/N:** A long standing WIP stuffed in my hard drive for the longest time. It was written right after season 5 premiere, and damn it, it took me over a couple of months before finishing it. Oh and I'm in some major Mer/Der withdrawal so… fluff. And I don't like Rose, I really don't, but she just disappeared like that and it doesn't make sense considering they work in the same hospital. Whatever. Just um, read and review. Thanks. :)

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Finding Grace**

You've been in the pediatric service for almost two years now, and you've almost forgotten what it feels like to have surgeons hounding you for their instruments. A long time ago, you were used to seeing blood and guts being pulled out of people, but now—now you're just used to more poop and vomit. It's better, you tell yourself, working in peds, because here, there isn't much drama. There isn't much complaining except for the occasional "I want more pudding" from the kids sharing a room, but you've gotten used to it. You're used to the quiet innocence the kids have.

You lead a different life here in this department. There's less of the hustle and the bustle, and it's quieter up here. The babies in the neo-natal ward cried when they had to, and the sick kids in the room pressed buttons and say please and thank you when you give them what they want. You're more relaxed here, and you like it.

When you took the opening in the service two years ago, you had no clue how you were gonna act around the people in here. You weren't sure if the people up here knew why _you're _transferring to their department, and you're simply taking the chance that they don't have a clue. When you get there, they really don't have a clue and you're thankful—at least you won't have to act okay every time someone asks how you are. The nurses don't know who you are, they don't know who you've had a past with, and they definitely don't care about the gossip from the other departments because they had other people to gossip about. You're pretty glad that Seattle Grace is huge, and that some people don't like to mingle with each other so much. At least there's a little bit of privacy.

You've been in the pediatric service for almost two years now—and not once, not once did the pain of the past come to haunt you. Not until now.

It's one of those rare days in Seattle—the ones where you wake up in the morning and find sunlight streaming through your windows instead of dark, dank rain clouds you've gotten used to. You go about your regular routine—breakfast, quick shower, mental reminder to visit Charlie from the pediatric ICU who promised you that he's not going to pull out his IV in exchange for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When you get to the floor, the floor nurse, Francine hands you your assigned services for the week. You're assigned to neo-natal—at least it won't be so demanding except for the occasional diaper changes and bottle feedings. And sometimes picking babies up to show them to the waiting family members clustered outside the window. It's not that hard, so an 18-hour shift in the nursery doesn't bother you so much. Not until you actually get to the nursery.

The nurse you're taking over for the day, Jane, is already up there rearranging cribs in order to make room for a newborn baby boy she's trying to get close to the viewing window. You drop a couple of charts on the counter and approach her, helping her move the sleeping babies into a more organized position.

"Oh," Jane says when you gently move a sleeping three-day old to the right, "thank you Rose. I didn't think it was gonna be hard rearranging the cribs today, I guess we've been pretty crowded for almost a week now."

"It's okay," you tell her and you both work in silence as you place the last baby in place. Jane goes to the far end of the room and pushes the crib over, and your curiosity gets to you because it's never really an importance to put a baby up close unless it's been requested by the parents. "Why were you rearranging again?"

Jane smiles and stops in front of you, turning the crib to the side so that it'll face the window. "This baby's gonna be having a lot of visitors when the hours start," she says as she smoothes the blanket over the newborn, "and when I say a lot, I mean _a lot_. I don't think it'll be nice for him to be picked up again and again all day so I just figured, I'd put him right out front."

"Why?" You turn to look at the baby (who's now awake,) and you can't help but comment that he's cute. Well, cuter than some of the kids you see everyday. He's got a head of dark brown hair and piercing blue-green eyes, and when Jane reached out to him, he wraps a tiny fist on her finger and holds on tightly. "Whose baby is this?"

You don't think Jane heard you because now she's cooing to the baby whose eyes were transfixed on her. You could see the tiny hospital band wrapped securely around his wrist (and you could see that it's wrapped properly, not the kind that could fall off and have them mixed with the other babies) and his blanket was definitely different from Seattle Grace's standard nursery linens. The announcement card is sticking out from its holder so you pull it out and the baby's surname, written in bold, bright letters that seemed to have burned a hole in your brain.

"Baby boy Shepherd," you whisper and you turn to look at the cooing baby in the crib. Dark hair, blue-green eyes, strong grip. You don't need an explanation as to whose child this is.

"Shepherd here's just a couple of hours old," Jane says when the baby finally closed his eyes and succumbed to exhaustion. "Born around three in the morning. He stayed with his parents for quite a while, he just got here. Mom was in labor the whole day yesterday, and I'm telling you, I don't think it was a walk in the park." Jane looks up, and she finds you staring blankly at the sleeping baby in the crib. "Hey, Rose?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

You plaster a huge fake smile on your face and replace the card back on its place. "Oh, yeah. Just great."

She looks at you curiously and she nods, ignoring the fact that you just spaced out a bit while she was talking. "Okay. So I guess I could leave you here now? Marcia's gonna come over before visiting hours start so I don't think you'll be hounded by a lot of tapping on the windows alone today."

"Okay." Jane leaves and you're still standing beside baby boy Shepherd's crib, feeling oddly disconnected.

ooo

True to Jane's word, the nursery window was soon filled by curious visitors from all over the surgical floor to look at the sleeping baby. A few nurses from the surgical floor came by to see the Shepherd baby and when they saw you lounging around in the back of the nursery, they waved at you enthusiastically and you wave back at them half-heartedly. You've seen everyone you know from the floor and you're actually surprised that you haven't seen Derek or Meredith—or Bailey's merry group of residents. You realize that it was only a little after 8, and if information from Jane was correct—that Meredith just gave birth about five hours ago from a full day of labor, she's probably not in any state of moving up and about just yet.

You were too busy thinking when you hear whimpering, and you realize that it's little baby Shepherd crying for your attention. You stand beside his crib and he continues to whimper, slowly turning into cries because he wants to be held. So you pick him up, and his cries immediately subside and you can't help but feel the pain deep inside your heart.

"Sometimes it does hurt." You turn around in surprise and you find Marcia walking towards you with a bunch of blankets in her hand. "Holding a child that you wish you had too."

"Oh. It's not…" You blink, and you wonder where she got the idea that you lost a child before. "I didn't…"

Marcia shakes her head as you hold the baby in your arms, wondering what on earth she's thinking. "Does it hurt? When you look in that baby's eyes and you see his mother and you see his father with his perfect head of hair?" You simply stare at her in shock, your jaw dropping in surprise and she chuckles. "Yeah, I know."

"You know?"

"Debbie's a good friend to me," Marcia says and she watches you put the sleeping child back in his crib, "She's told me a lot of things."

"Oh, I'm sure." You retort, as you face away from her and slump back behind the counter in the nursery.

ooo

Lexie Grey was the first one to visit the new Shepherd boy. You don't know what's up with the Grey sisters nowadays (because the last time you heard anything about them was about a year ago, when Meredith has finally decided to treat Lexie that she's her actual sister,) but it's not like you actually care. You never really cared anyway.

You're sitting in the back (along with the diapers and the medical supplies) as you watch Lexie grinning broadly at the sleeping baby in front of her. She's so happy for her freakin' nephew you were afraid she's going to explode Starbursts anytime soon. A few minutes later, you see a now resident George O'Malley stroll in to stop beside her, immediately cooing at the sleeping baby in front of them. Soon, he was followed by three other residents, all staring intently at the little baby in the crib.

All that you can do at the moment was to sit there and watch them from the glass windows.

Izzie Stevens was just about crazy and ready to fawn over the child. Alex Karev, the ass-hole-y resident's face immediately softened when he saw the kid. Cristina Yang was never one to show concern, but you're surprised when she fished out a small digital camera from her scrub pocket, fiddled with it for a little bit before taking a picture without the flash. All four doctors' heads turned to her, all looking in surprise, and she waved them off as if nothing had happened.

Minutes, long arduous minutes ticked by as you watched them adore the child from behind the glass windows. When the residents turned to leave, Lexie remained on the spot, the same broad grin lighting up her face. You knew what was going to come next. If Lexie Grey was anything like her older sister, she'd be barging in the nursery begging you if she could pick up the baby.

That was exactly what happened.

Lexie peered around the door frame, wondering who was in charge for the day. When she stepped inside, you made your presence known by standing up and walking towards her. By now, she was blinking in confusion and is staring blankly at you.

"May I help you?" You ask and she snaps out of it, loosening her grip on the small stuffed animal she had in her hand. "Dr. Grey?"

"Oh!" Lexie blinks, turning her full attention towards you, "Hi. Um, yeah. I- I… yeah, can I see my nephew?"

"Baby Shepherd?" You ask and you suddenly find Lexie blushing and unable to look at you. You roll your eyes and turn towards the direction of his crib. "Follow me."

When you stop beside the baby, Lexie's eyes immediately light up and she places the teddy bear on the foot of his crib. You open your mouth to reprimand her about non-hospital material but decide against it, opting to tell her about it if she leaves it there. Lexie strokes the baby's head and he subconsciously turns to her direction. She slides her hand under his small body and takes him in her arms.

"I'm…" you pause, watching Lexie interact with her new nephew, "I'll leave you two alone. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Thanks," she whispered and you scramble back towards the back room.

After ten minutes, Lexie's managed to put the baby back in his crib and you approach her. She looks at you and back at the little boy who's still sleeping peacefully.

"Thank you," she says and she picks up the stuffed animal and puts it in her lab coat, "I shouldn't have taken so much time."

"It's okay, it wasn't that long."

She turns, heading for the door, "I'm gonna… um… I'm gonna go."

You rearrange baby Shepherd's blanket before looking up at her. "Okay."

"Um… his dad…" she paused, "I mean, um… Derek. He told me he's gonna come by in a while and pick him up to bring to Meredith's room or something…" Her pager beeped, her face immediately crumpling into frustration, "Damn it."

You look at her in question and she closes her mouth like a gaping goldfish. "Oh! Sorry. Yeah, um, I gotta go." She says sheepishly before leaving.

Derek. You haven't heard that name since you left him in the nurse's station with a bleeding hand. You look at the sleeping baby beside you and you pray that this won't be an awkward day.

ooo

Two hours after Lexie Grey left her nephew, your pager beeps asking for you to bring baby Shepherd to room 3319. You take a deep breath after reading the message, preparing the sleeping baby for transport to his mother's room. You pray you don't see Derek right away because it would be damn awkward if he sees you with his child—that and the fact that you really don't want to see him just yet. Why? Just because.

The moment you take baby Shepherd out of the quiet confines of the nursery, he cries. You push his small crib towards the elevators, heading for his mother's room, and he slows down to a whimper meters away from the door. It's hard—having to stand outside the hospital room with your ex-boyfriend's baby, but it's your job, so you take two deep breaths and a few minutes to collect yourself before knocking on the door. You're still desperately praying that Derek's not inside (even if you know it's a tough shot.)

"Come in," the voice from inside the room instructed and the unmistakable smoothness of his voice was never one to be missed out by anybody. You close your eyes before facing the inevitable. Derek was inside the room.

Pushing the door open, you quietly ease the small crib inside first before poking your head in. A tired (but relatively happy) looking Meredith rested in the bed, held up by the strong arms of Derek who has taken the responsibility of squeezing his body right beside his wife in the small twin-size hospital bed. The new parents look up at you and you find yourself looking at a smiling Meredith and a surprised Derek.

"Hi," you greet meekly as you push the crib inside the room completely, "I've got someone who wants so see you."

Meredith smiles broadly at you, her eyes immediately focusing on her son. "Hi," she greets as Derek simply looks at you warily. You decide to let this go for now, opting to confront him about it if he continues to do this staring thing for the whole day because you really can't deal with this right now, lest you might stab him again with a ten-blade. You turn to look at Meredith who's patiently waiting for you to hand her son in her outstretched arms.

"He's been a very good boy," you tell her as you gently lower little baby Shepherd in Meredith's arms. You watch her as she gently tucks a hand underneath his head, cradling her close to her chest. "I'll come back for him in an hour. Page me if you need anything?"

"We will," Meredith says and you make your way out of the room not even bothering to look back.

ooo

An hour later, as promised, you come back to the Shepherd's room to check on the littlest Shepherd. You lightly knock on the door and find it open, so you let yourself in without even bothering to listen for an answer. Meredith looks up and an elderly woman (probably no more than 60 or 70) with piercing blue eyes and brown wavy hair is sitting beside her bed, rocking the whimpering newborn to sleep.

"H- Hi…" you stutter, your eyes shifting between Meredith and the older woman, "I'm sorry, did I catch you in a bad time? I'll come back after a few…"

The woman stands up, handing the baby to Meredith. "Oh no, it's okay dear," she tells you as she gently strokes the little boy's head, "I should be going too. I might be tiring my daughter-in-law."

Oh, so she was Derek's mother. And now Meredith's mother-in-law and the baby's grandmother. You're thankful Derek isn't here because you're pretty sure everything's gonna be awkward if he was standing beside Meredith and you're in the same room as he is with his mother.

"Mom!" Meredith exclaims as the woman kisses her on the forehead, "I'm sure Derek would like to see you. He left a few minutes before you came…"

"What on earth is the boy doing, working at a time like this?"

Meredith smiled, cradling the baby close to her chest just like she did earlier. "He just left to check on a patient and buy some coffee. I'm sure it wouldn't take long."

"Hmm, whatever you say sweetie," She says, turning to head for the door, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt if I spend some time with Markie dear."

Derek's mother smiles briefly at you before she exits the room, and now you're left alone with Meredith and her newborn son. She smiles at you when you take a step towards her, and you can't help but smile back.

"Congratulations," you say, turning to look at Meredith, "He's very beautiful."

"Thanks."

And you head towards the glass windows, thinking if you should close the blinds to keep the privacy.

"That was Derek's mother, Carolyn," Meredith says when you turn around to close the blinds around the room.

"She seems," you pause, grasping for a good compliment, "nice. Very grandmotherly. And she looks beautiful for her age too."

"I'm sorry about earlier," she says as she watches you push the small plastic crib to her bedside, "It was awkward. And weird. Derek was just… yeah, sorry."

Your eyes collide with hers, and you look awkwardly at Meredith as she bites her lip waiting for your response. She's a nice girl really, and everybody knows that, and you've never been one who's quick to judge Meredith Grey even if everybody around you was doing that. So you nod your head, smiling briefly before approaching her.

"It's okay, it wasn't your fault." You tell her and she fiddles around with her son's onesie as you wait for her patiently. "Derek and I didn't exactly part in good terms so everything was to be expected."

Meredith nods, frowning slightly at your answer. "I'm sorry he had to do that to you. Derek's such an idiot sometimes."

And you bite back a laugh, one that is threatening to escape your mouth at any given moment. Because your ex-boyfriend's wife is telling you that her husband is an idiot sometimes and she's apologizing for Derek's mistake for treating you like a rebound girl. Which in this horribly imperfect world is not something that's supposed to be happening to you, but it is happening to you and you just want to laugh. You want to laugh so bad but you're stifling it in your mouth and Meredith's looking at you in a weird way.

"Sorry," you snort, forcing the laugh back inside your throat, "it's just that… are you… are you apologizing for Derek treating me like crap?"

"Yes," And her answer silences you completely as Meredith looks at you with sincere apology in her eyes.

"Oh," you mumble, "You- you're actually serious about this."

Meredith looks at you in confusion, her brow furrowed. "You didn't think I was serious?"

And you shake your head, facing Meredith head on. "No," you say, "I've never really met any of my ex-boyfriend's wives and I wasn't expecting my first one to be this… nice."

Meredith laughs and you finally understand what it is with the woman that Derek fell in love with.

"I didn't hate you, you know," You tell Meredith, fumbling around with the baby bottles on the table, "It was too hard for me to hate you. You were too nice, and it probably would've been better if I hated you, but I couldn't. Derek was much easier to hate than you did."

"Hmm," she muses, her head tilted to the side in thought, "You might think I hate you."

"Of course. Don't you?"

And Meredith looks up at you, and you're surprised when she answers. "No, I never hated you," she says, "I may have been afraid of you, but I never hated you."

The thought inside your head was something you never expected ever in your life. Meredith Grey was a surgeon, with a mother known in the highest surgical circles, and a husband that was known worldwide. Yet she was afraid of you—a lone nurse in the surgical floor who dated her husband and was nowhere near the caliber of her talents. This was far too much for you in one day.

"Why," you ask, confusion lacing your voice, "Would you even think to be remotely afraid of me? I'm no match for the Seattle Grace legend everyone's known about."

She snorts, chuckling slightly at the thought. "If I didn't fight for Derek, there would be no _legend_ you guys keep talking about."

And she might be right, but mostly, you don't believe that. You may be married to Derek right now instead of her, or you might be broken up with him, because of her. In the months that you spent with Derek, not once did you feel that you had any space in his heart, no matter how much he said he was over his then ex-girlfriend. You've never met anyone who was so head over heels in love with someone so bad that you once thought that the only thing playing inside his head is Meredith's voice and her face.

"No, but he would still be in love with you, fighting to get back to you. It did hurt that I lost someone like Derek, but I don't think I ever had him to lose anyway."

With that, Meredith looks up at you in surprise, and you stare back at her, quite surprised at what you said as well.

"You'll find someone," she says and you simply smile, hoping it was the truth.

"I should be getting back," you say and Meredith nods, reluctantly handing the baby back to you, "I can bring him down whenever you want. Just page me."

She smiles. "Okay. Thank you."

You place the baby back on the crib, tucking him under the soft blanket and it never occurred to you to ask Meredith for his name. So you turn around, earning a questioning look from the mother.

"Have you decided on a name for him yet?" You ask and Meredith smiles, her eyes sparkling in delight when you asked the question.

"Chace," she says, her eyes once again back on the sleeping baby, "Chace Michael Shepherd."

"It's a very nice name," you say before pushing the crib out of the room and back to the nursery.

ooo

There is a man standing outside the nursery. You see these men everyday. Mostly, they look terrified, others, simply in awe. These men are usually the fathers of the babies you take care of, and the man standing outside of the nursery right now is no different. The only difference with this man standing outside is that you've dated him before and he broke up with you to be with the mother of the baby he's looking at.

You're blindly asking yourself if you're weirded out or something and the answer comes easily. Yes, you are kind of weirded out because Derek is outside, staring lovingly at his son and you're inside, half hidden behind a huge box of diapers.

"What are you doing back here?" Marcia asks as she steps inside the storage closet, "Why are you hiding in the closet?"

"Dr. Shepherd's outside," you mutter, your eyes still trained on the overly-mussed neurosurgeon outside, "_Derek_'s outside."

Marcia turns, peeking around the doorframe to look at Derek. "So? He's looking at his son."

You roll your eyes, dusting yourself off from the cramped position you've been in for the past five minutes. "I thought you knew things," you mutter, huffing a response when all Marcia does is stare at you, "I don't want to see my ex-_non _boyfriend or whatever."

"Oh. Bad memories?"

"More like none," you grumble quietly and Marcia leans closer to hear you, "Why were you looking for me anyway?"

"Oh, right. I forgot to tell you earlier, I'm clocking out early because I have to go pick up my brother from the airport. So you're kinda gonna be alone for a little while, I hope it's okay with you."

"Yeah, yeah, fine." You say, waving off Marcia who's left to go fix her things before heading home. Derek's gone from the window, but the sound of the automated door whooshing sends you in a frenzied state, hoping for the best that you look decent enough for your ex-_non_ boyfriend (whatever that is.)

"Hi," you pipe up the moment you see Derek inside the room. Being an attending has its perks, you tell yourself, because he's forgone the whole asking for permission thing since he's now holding his son close to his chest, cooing quietly in the corner. He smiles at you briefly before dropping his gaze back to his son, and you simply stand there, gawking at the man you once tell yourself you've fallen in love with. "Um, so… I… should just go."

"It's okay," he says and he suddenly turns his head to look at you, "you can stay."

"Oh, um… yeah. Okay."

You're still rooted to the spot watching him, and you're now leaning on the wall for fear of falling over if you didn't. Silence fills the room and you just stand there watching him, while he cradles his son. You've always known Derek would become a good father someday, and you're happy to know that you weren't wrong about that.

Little Chace cries and Derek tries to soothe him with his voice. You simply watch him as he reaches out to the baby's bottom, soon discovering the he needs a diaper change and he looks over at you for help.

"Diaper change?" You say, reaching over the counter to grab a disposable diaper from the bin, "I'll get it."

"Oh," he mumbles, handing his son over as he stands to the side, "Okay."

You get to work, removing the crying boy's diaper and wiping him clean before putting a fresh one on. You hear Derek sigh beside you and you look at him, barely avoiding his gaze.

"He has a nice name," you mutter quietly, "Chace. Good choice."

"Yeah."

"You know," you hand him his son again, careful not to startle the child, "You can actually talk to me. In sentences. It's not like I'm going to stab you with a scalpel if you try to talk to me this time."

Derek mumbles something incoherent and you roll your eyes, turning around to head to the nurses' counter. Five minutes after, he's leaning on the counter looking at you and you look up, wondering what on earth he's doing.

"Meredith told me she talked to you earlier," he starts off and you shrug, going back to chewing the forgotten pack of Twizzlers you left earlier, "I thought I should apologize personally."

"You really don't have to do this Derek," you tell him and he shakes his head, "The past is the past, you're married and you have a kid. You don't have to apologize for anything."

"I know," he says, "But if there's anything that Meredith can't apologize for in my behalf, that would probably be the fact that I had to drag you into all this… mess."

"Right," you drawl out, unable to look at Derek in the eye. It hurts, having to sit here, watching your ex-_non_ boyfriend (you really have to stop saying that) apologize to you for being an ass after his wife talked to you, and it hurts even more that he's actually admitting his mistake years after you broke up with him. "So let me get this straight, which part are you apologizing for? Is it the fact that you lied to me countless times when we were together or the decision to have a relationship with me when in truth you knew you were never going to be over Meredith Grey?"

Derek looks taken aback and he simply gapes in front of you, his emotion a mixture of bewilderment and exasperation but he simply shakes his head, opting to look down at you from his height.

"I'm not apologizing for leaving you to be with Meredith," he starts, ignoring your indignant response and he continues, "All I'm saying is that I'm sorry. For bringing you into a mess I shouldn't have brought you into, and for giving you hope that it could work."

"Are you admitting that you were an ass for doing those things to me?"

"Yes."

And you look up at him, shrugging your shoulders at his attempts. "I've forgiven you a long time ago Derek," you tell him, "I can't blame you for leaving me for Meredith Grey, because even when we were together, I couldn't even get you to turn your attention to me. And I never hated her, if that's what you're thinking, because she didn't do anything wrong."

"Okay…"

"But I hated _you_, if that should give you any indication how much you hurt me."

You just had to say that because in all honesty, you don't know how much Derek didn't know about the hurt he's caused you. He didn't know that getting left behind caused you enough pain that you wanted to leave Seattle Grace, and he didn't know how much it hurt your own ego for falling in love with a man you knew would never love you as much as he loved another woman. You really can't blame all of this on Derek, because the truth is, you were partly to blame for this mess you got yourself into. You knew you had to stop it with the kiss, but you were stupid enough to go for something more.

It took you a while before you finally let go of Derek. It took you more than a couple of ill-fated first dates and a few depressing runs on the chain around your neck before you finally had the courage to forget about Derek Shepherd. You had to chastise yourself a couple of times, blaming your heart for falling in love with him when you knew for a fact he was never going to love you the way he loved Meredith Grey. He didn't even love his wife as much as he loved Meredith, what chance did you have over that?

Derek shuffles his weight between his feet as he stands in front of you and he sighs heavily, leaning on the counter. "I'm sorry Rose, I really, really am." He starts and you hold your hand up to stop him.

"It's okay," you tell him, cocking your head to the side in a small sign of sympathy for the man you once loved, "It's okay. I'm okay. Just… go. Be with Meredith or something. I'm sure she needs you right now."

And he nods, unable to keep the smile off his face. He really does love her more than anything… well, maybe except their son.

"I…" Derek sighs, looking at you for the last time, "Thank you."

He turns away from you, his eyes briefly straying back to his son in the far end of the room. He was just about to leave when the sudden urge to say something overcame you and now you couldn't stop yourself.

"She made it," you blurt out and Derek stops, turning to look at you.

"Excuse me?"

"Meredith," you stutter, getting up to stand on the other side of the counter, "She made it. She got her happy ending."

"Oh."

For the first time since you've known Derek, this is the first time you've ever seen him speechless. He's always been the type of guy who speaks his mind, most usually he just speaks just so he could appease everyone, but right now, right at this very moment—he's speechless.

"I'm glad she got her happy ending Derek," you tell him, your hand briefly touching his arm before turning away from him and leaving him in his thoughts.

ooo

It's been two days since you last saw Meredith and Derek or their new baby, Chace. You were temporarily re-assigned the day after you talked to the two of them, and today, you were sent back to your rotation in the neo-natal ward to watch over crying babies and bring them to their anxious parents.

When you get there, Chace's crib is now empty and Marcia is busy folding the used sheets. She looks up when you approach her and she smiles, turning back to her task when you stop short of the child's bed.

"He just got discharged," she informs you as you stare wordlessly into the crib, "I just bought him down to his parents about ten minutes ago."

"Okay…"

"You could still see him if you want to," she says, and you raise your eyebrows as you stare blankly at your colleague.

"What?"

"You might want to see him," Marcia repeats, staring at you like visiting your ex-boyfriend's child before going home is a normal thing, "I think they're still downstairs."

And she leaves you in the room alone, blankly wondering if you really should take one last look at the Shepherd boy before he goes home.

Less than ten minutes later, you find yourself standing in the nurses' station in the maternity floor, staring at room 3319. The blinds to Meredith's room were all pulled up and you could see Derek cradling his son close to his chest as Meredith hugged a smiling Mark. The motley group of residents were all milling about inside the room, sending a few congratulatory hugs and kisses to Meredith and Derek and their new baby, before going about with their day. Lexie hugs her sister last before heading out to rounds. When you were just about to leave, a pretty redhead (who happens to be Derek's ex-wife, Addison Montgomery) stands up from wherever she was sitting and hugs Meredith and Derek, before stepping out of the room with her clicky Christian Loubotins reverberating on the hospital floor. Derek turns to kiss Meredith softly on the lips and she caresses her son's head tenderly before resuming her packing. It was already too much for you so you turn around to head back to the pediatric floor, ready to forget everything that has happened to you in the last two days.

The important thing here is you've talked to Meredith and you've made peace with Derek. You've taken care of their son when he was put under your care and it took you so much not to cry whenever you held him. It was an accomplishment, you tell yourself, and now you have to move on.

ooo

It's been three months since you last saw Derek and Meredith and their new baby. You heard from the gossipy nurses from the coffee cart that Meredith took a month and a half off for maternity leave and Derek made use of the month for his paternity leave. It figured as much since you didn't see them for quite a while, and when you saw Derek for the first time since he took the time off, you couldn't believe the glow you could see on his face. He may be exhausted and sleep-deprived but his smile is so contagious you're pretty sure he could light up a room if he wanted to. He was happy and nothing could ever stop that.

Two weeks later, you see Meredith walking in the hospital clutching a wriggling bundle in her arms with Derek falling into step behind her. He's laughing as he juggled his briefcase and a diaper bag in his hands, failing to hide a smirk as Meredith pushed the button for the elevator. She shifts little Chace to rest on her shoulder and Derek kisses her quickly before they enter the elevator. You can't help but notice how much they are a picture of a happy family.

Today, you walk in the hospital after a strenuous shift yesterday, holding on to a coffee cup as if you were holding on to it for life. You were quietly leaning in the back end of the elevator, musing quietly in your cup when the door opens, revealing a person you really weren't expecting.

Jackson, a guy you met over at Joe's the night Meredith went home stepped inside, smiling brightly at you. He finds you in the bar, downing Mai Tais and martinis, and you find out that he works as a radiologist in the same hospital. You two hit it off well and you've been dating him for quite some time, despite the promise of never having a relationship with someone you work with. He kisses you when you look up at him, sending a smile you haven't had since yesterday.

"I didn't see you last night," he whispers and you bite back a laugh at his puppy dog eyes.

"Bus accident," you tell him and he shrugs, opting to go back to kissing you mindless.

The elevator car stops without you knowing and two people step in before you even had the chance of pulling away from your boyfriend. Meredith and Derek step in, smiling slightly when they realized it was you doing some heavy hard-hitting PDA in the back of the elevator.

"Drs. Shepherd," Jackson mumbles, blushing slightly when Derek nods in his direction and Meredith turns to smile at you. You all fall into some sort of uncomfortable silence and when the elevator door opens to the administration floor, Derek kisses Meredith softly on the lips and whispers something incomprehensible in her ear before stepping out. Jackson leaves next (because Radiology was just oh so conveniently located above the offices) and it leaves you standing beside Meredith, feeling terribly small.

"He seems like a nice guy," she says, turning to look at you blushing furiously in the back.

"Yeah," you mutter and Meredith shrugs, opting to keep her mouth shut as you both wait for the elevator to reach your designated floors. When it opens over to the surgical floor, Meredith turns to look at you, pressing on the elevator button to keep it open.

"I think you're just about to get your happy ending too. You may have just found the one."

It was all she said, leaving you to gawk on your own inside the elevator.

You may be getting your happy ending now. When you started dating Jackson, you've resolved to remove the engagement ring from your necklace, and you've vowed to know someone better before taking the plunge. He hasn't disappointed you yet, and he may not be someone like Derek, but he was someone who attended to your needs, and someone who loved you for what you are. He wasn't hung up on anyone and you weren't a rebound, and he makes you happy. He definitely makes you happy. So when Meredith said that you may be getting your happy ending, reality hits you. You've moved on past Derek Shepherd. Your heart doesn't break into a million pieces when you hear his name, and you don't feel like crying when you see him and Meredith together. You may have found the one.

You step out of the elevator smiling. The other nurses were staring at you and you don't care if they think you look like an idiot because for the first time, you feel like you're you again. You may just be getting your happy ending.


End file.
